We Suck

Yes, Bones and I are aware of how much we suck at updating this site. I am currently swamped, both in "real life" and at work, and Bones is about a week away from having a computer again for updating posts. Not excuses, we're just letting y'all know that we are aware of our suck, and are committed to righting it. Just not today :)
We hope to get back on track with posting within the next few weeks. Just bear with us, we'll make it worth your time -whaddaya need for it to be worth it? Cute animal photos, snarky writings, random funnies? We'll be coming back with all of the above. Soon!
In the meantime, enjoy some photos of cute furry things:

Sometimes I Just Have To Remind Myself...

Worst Best Man

I am SO glad that my wedding went smoothly, and that I still adore our best man -Thank You, Tyler, you were wonderful!
This guy? Not so much:

Worst Best Man Ever @ Yahoo! Video

Fabulous Parenting Idea

I was reading one of my favorite blogs today, Redneck Mommy, and felt compelled to pass on a bit of her wisdom. I do not yet have children of my own, but am in the process of gathering an arsenal of creative ideas for torturing my children whenever they should arrive.
In one of her archived posts on punishment, the lovely Mommy mentioned a story where her son damaged her pantry door. Instead of morphing into a banshee and screeching at the child, she had her son pay for the door out of his own fundage and write an essay on what he had done. Nothing too crazy here, right?

Here is where the brilliance kicks in: She is compiling these essays for her lovely son into a book to present to him when he has a family of his own. Not only will he suffer through the writing of the essay, but again later, when his kids get to read through it. Oh, how kids LOVE to hear about their parents misdeeds as children.

I just got back from a trip to where my own parents grew up, and loved every minute spent with their siblings and friends, hearing about what they did as kids. (I was sad, however, to find that I was nowhere near as "cool" as my parents. They got away with a LOT more than I did!) It was great, my family laughing, me openmouthed, and my mom justifying why it was okay back then to party in some unsuspecting farmer's cornfield. Hmm, maybe I'll interview some family members, and make my parents some books of their own. Whaddaya think, mom?

Yaar, Bitches!

Ahoy, mateys! Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so grab a jug 'o grog and brush up on the lingo! (if you have trouble with that, check out the TLPD Translator!)

I myself plan to make it a short day at the office today to get an early start on my evening of plunder and pillage!

Free Handbag Giveaway!

A new website, Handbag Planet, is being launched on October 15th, and they are giving away a free handbag every hour for 24 hours on the day of the launch! The bags are designs that are inspired by popular designer brands, and are priced between $30 and $80, so even if you don't win a bag, this site is a great place to get cute bags without breaking the bank!

After signing up, you select which bag you'd like to win -no strings attached. I have tried the submission process, and everything seems pretty clear. Sign up, hope to win a bag!

There are some adorable bags up for grabs, good luck to everyone!

One Down, 75(ish) More To Go...

We made it through our first year! YAY!


Congratulations, Team Jones.

Dope...

My puppy is adorable, but he is not always the brightest bulb....

I Think She May Be Planning To Eat Me...

So, I'm staying up at my dad's awesome house up in the mountains. Attached to his house is an apartment that he rents out occasionally. Right now, there is a very sweet couple staying in the apartment while the husband does some work up here. The wife appears to be staying in the apartment during the day.

We got up here yesterday, and I've been telecommuting, so I'm here all day, but not really "here" -like I'm ever really "here". Oh well, lets pretend.

I ran into the wife (who we'll call Sweet Lady from now on, since I already forgot her name because I am an asshole) shortly after I arrived, and we did some hilarious language-barrier-introduction-type thing with each other -you know the kind, where both people smile and nod like they know what the hell the other one is talking about, when really, we're each picking up about a fifth of what the other is saying. Luckily, her English is better than my Spanglish, so there were a few words that got through between the over-pronounced smiles and hand gestures.

Within 15 minutes of our introduction, she was knocking on the door with a frothy beverage in a cocktail glass. It was 11 am. Now, I am not one to be rude and refuse a gesture of friendship, so I accepted the beverage and went back to work. Unfortunately, the "cocktail" was just a smoothie, but it was wonderful, so I'll let it slide. Thanks, SL, for keeping me from drinking before noon!

A few short hours later, she was again knocking, asking if I'd like lunch. The only words I really understood were "cheese, stuff, comida, food, pretty, lunch, yum, and you like?" but she got the message across. Unfortunately, I had just eaten, so I turned down her request while pointing at the telephone because I had a conference call that I had to be on.

Ever the trooper that she is, she was back again before I was out of bed today. By the time I got to the door, she was gone.

I figured by then she'd have given up, but just now, she was back. This time, she brought a plate, shoved it in my face and said "Comida. Lunch. Hope you like!" with a big smile. I'd just eaten, but took the plate anyway, and thanked her. She then looked at my dogs and said "LOVE THE PUPPIES! You eat. Good. Bueno." We again did some huge hand gestures and smiles, and went to our respective corners.

I feel bad, because I've got to work while I'm here, and I'm really not sure if she wants to hang out because she is bored, or if she is trying to fatten me up so she can feed me to her husband for dinner....

Good thing my pain meds don't make me paranoid or anything...

Thoughts?

Word of the Day

HoSmack.

A fun word for describing the beating that a dumb ho deserves. As in "I'd just love to HoSmack that stupid bitch."

HoSmack makes me giggle.

Use it how you like, go have fun!

Olympic All Stars

Amazing Story of Love and Friendship

Many of you may have seen the Youtube video of the Hugging Lion, but if you have not, please take a moment to watch.

The story begins with 2 artists in London who in 1969 purchased a lion cub from Harrod's department store. Captive in a very small cage, they decided they would give him a better life and raised him as their friend and companion. When he grew too big and they were unable to continue caring for him, they decided to reintroduce him to Africa in hopes of rehabilitating him back into a normal life in the wild. In doing so, they were told that Christian would readapt to being a fully wild animal, and would forget who they were.

The two men waited a year, and then traveled five thousand miles to Africa in hopes of finding Christian again. The following video is footage of the lion as their pet, and then the reunion between the lion and his two friends the following year.

This just proves that love knows no bounds, and true friendships last forever.

STD, Parasite, or Bilirubin Issue?

While talking to a coworker about a weekend at the lake with her dog...

coworker: "what if he got gonorrhea from the lake?"

me: "you mean giardia?"

coworker: "yeah, that"

15 minutes later...

same coworker: "what is it called again? jaundice?"

me: "no honey, giardia"

You can't make this shit up..

My Greatest Lego Moment Ever (via Cap'n Jones)

So we received a comment on E's post about the awesomeness of Lego's and asked for people's best Lego moments ever. One response we received from Cap'n Jones was just too good to leave buried in the comments section and had to be posted itself for the enjoyment of the masses. For your reading pleasure:

When I was a child, I was a Lego prodigy. I mean it. I didn't do much of anything else to be honest. While all the other kids were playing tee ball and learning to skateboard, I was tucked quietly away in the corner of my bedroom, building a version of what I call the "Lego demise" that you cannot even comprehend.

The setting for this moment began around Christmas time. I had just unwrapped the ultimate gift from Mr. Claus....the Legoland Forestman's Hideout.

Best. Present. Ever. Period.
























I unwrapped the present, and I immediately knew what it was. I tore into it right then and there, determined to build the hideout before I opened any other gifts. I pulled out all the Lego’s, sorted them (as any experienced Lego engineer would) by color, then type. It was at that time that my dreaded nightmare…the day I hoped would never come to fruition…began:

My grand father wanted to help “little baby Jones” put this “dang ol thing” together.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I despise my grand parents. I just hated, and I mean HATED the idea of someone trying to manage a project…something of this unbelievable magnitude, with no experience. And, this wasn’t the first time someone tried to baffle my progress with silly nuisances like instructions, foresight, and reasonable timelines. What!?!?! This is fucking LEGO LAND! This is the only sacred ground that Lego engineers had left! I wouldn’t stand for it. I decided to fight back.

“Grandpa, here are the instructions” I said calmly to him.

I had set a trap for him. I set the bait, and waited as patiently as a 5 year old kid could for him to take a nibble at the bait I presented.

It seemed like months went by…tick tock….tick tock. Then it happened.

“Sure thing, let me get a hold of these instructions and I’ll show you how this is done boy” My grandpa said, as he took the bait.

“FISH ON!!!!” I thought to myself. I couldn’t believe my plan worked. As I handed him the instructions, I took the box back. The box contained all my little hands and head needed… the parts, and the picture of the finished product.

Five minutes passed. The instructions were opened and displayed as they should be (for a rookie….sheesh) and my grand father was ready to begin.

“You ready to tackle this son?” He said, as he turned around.

“Grandpa, thanks, but I’m done!?” I said, rejoicing inside.

“How the….what the….no instructions…My lord son, that was fast..”

My grandpa was baffled. He didn’t understand how someone could get something done that fast without instruction, and guidance.

I smiled, and played dumb. He didn’t need to know that my plan was a success. There was no need to hurt his feelings. I mean, it’s not like he wasn’t needed. He filled the political role of staring blindly at a set a prints beautifully. And, his marketing, it was genius. He not only sold the new fortress well, but the complements about my idiot savant ways were an addition only he could have conjured.

I learned two lessons that day that still haunt me. First, Lego’s aren’t a toy. Legoland is the premier place where builders go to be uninhibited by garbage politics and relentless processes that inhibit innovation. Second, for 25 years I’ve been striving to recreate a real life version of the Legoland Forestman's Hideout (set 6054 if you’re doubting me) and I still continue to have the same problems. Well, that and I can’t find any land with conveniently placed round tabs to connect my blocks to.

Toodles, Cap’n Jones

Like this? Vote!

My sister in law is an amazing photographer! She took this adorable photo of Cooper, and currently has many more showcased on CaptureMyColorado.com. Check out her work here, and if you like what you see, vote!!

Every Lego Set EVER Made

For anyone who has ever been a kid, this is just awesome.


What are your fondest Lego memories?

The Husband Has Tourette's ...Or Something

A (relatively normal) Instant Messenger conversation with the husband:

Me: You should take care of that

H: yeah...I got no balls.

H: seems I misplaced them.

H: oddly enough, about 8 years ago

H: you're going to have to do it.

H: I mean, you've got 'em.

H: the balls I mean.

H: you have my balls.

I can't even make sh!t like this up... Seriously.

Give Up The Summer Goods!

So, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm not nearly as cool as I used to be. Maybe given the opportunity, I could exude some coolness again, but nothing will ever top the cool factor of the time I broke into the YMCA in the middle of the night... with my crush... to go skinny dipping in the pool off MLK Blvd. Daring, sexy, dangerous.

We had to hide from the cops, we had to run barefoot through mud and grass, and I had to fake like I could swim. (Lost some cool points on that one, started gulping for air before I came up and damn near needed mouth-to-mouth... but hey, it's an opportunity in its own, no?)

What a perfect setting for a first kiss. It was definitely the most memorable I've had to date. Too bad he used that opportunity to mention that he was engaged... needless to say, we didn't go skinny dipping again. But what great fun while it lasted!

Fun in the sun-- be it with your love, your best group of friends, or even your furry companions is what the summer spirit is all about! Screw the holidays-- pass me a margarita!

Definitely my best summer memory to date with the chicks
was our BACHELORETTE PARTY CRUISE to the fabulous
BAHAMAS!!! There isn't much detail I can go into without
incriminating those who were there, but let's just say... if you
ever get the opportunity to go somewhere exotic, DO IT. Just beware... the cute little local boys are selling knock-offs too, no matter how hot their accents are. Who cares, fall for it anyway. Of course, I am a sucker for accents and winking locals. I was convinced I had bought 2 real "Cuban" cigars from a guy on the beach who "had to go, this is your last chance!"-- (and turned up again on the same beach an hour later... should have tipped me off...) and was going to smuggle them back in my suitcase. I don't think I slept a full hour the night before we left, stressing so hard about getting caught, thrown in jail, paying thousands of fines, all for these taboo (and therefore necessary!) cigars. To be honest, I don't even know if they were CIGARS, much less Cubans, but I had myself convinced by the time we went to customs they had handcuffs ready for me. I can't even describe the feeling of relief that overcame me when I saw my suitcase waiting for me, still in one piece, and not a single angry customs agent to boot. I'll be honest, I felt pretty damn cool. That is... until my brother pointed out that the labels were misspelled...

Alright, so I've just publicly posted 2 of my most embarrassing-- but fabulous!!-- summer stories. We know you have more, and we can't wait to hear!! Post up your best summer stories, and check back often to laugh and reminisce!

Thursday Funnies - Baby

I'm so gonna do this to my kids. Funny.

I Think...

Spring is making its way to the mountains -yay!
Even though allergy season is coming right along with it, I just don't care! I'm so ready for some warm weather, and all that comes with it -white water rafting, camping, BBQ's, lunch on the patio at our favorite cafe, and beer on our deck at sunset.