Thursday, August 28, 2008

Count Your Blessings

Sometimes there are days that clarify everything. All of the crap from work, the annoyances of traffic, the chaos of a typical morning gone awry... these are things that some people would give anything to be able to bitch about, in retrospect. It's usually not until after the fact that you appreciate being 20 minutes late to work, and realizing that it wasn't such a bad start to the day afterall.

There was a fatal car accident this morning near my home.

The news said it had been a hit and run, the person responsible for the death of another human being had fled the scene and was at large, possibly somewhere in the huge state park across the street.So people see this story on the news, yeah, that sucks, blah blah, the roads are blocked off, "now I'm gonna be late for work! ugh!" A lot were probably angry at the other driver. Probably not many were able to truly empathize with those who weren't at the scene at all.Unless you've been a family member or friend on the other end of the phone call about your loved one being the one in the car, the one that won't be making it to work to bitch about his or her boss, you simply cannot understand the magnitude of panic, the sheer debilitating fear, the rush of "OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT". The feeling of 'surely there must be some mistake- this wasn't supposed to happen!' before the realization, the impact of the information that you have to process through your brain, and somehow make your mind function, your body take action, to DO SOMETHING. You will find out just how MUCH you would trade for everything to be okay, just how determind you can pray in those moments when the outcome is uncertain.

Several years ago, my sister was in a very bad car accident. She survived, Thank God, and she is without permanent injury today by nothing short of a miracle. However, she had been critically hurt, the entire left side of her body-from her skull to her shin- pretty mangled. Cracked skull, swelling on the brain, broken orbital bone, broken collar bone, broken ribs... I'll stop, you get the picture. She was in unspeakable pain. She had been hit by a driver that had run a stop sign. That person did not in any way intend to have this happen, he simply intended to get home to his family. My sister was in the hospital for almost a month, over Thanksgiving. Talk about being reminded about how thankful we should be for the things we take for granted far too often. The lives and health of our loved ones being at the top of that list. But also, being thankful for just your typical crappy day... usually in a week you can't remember what had ticked you off so badly anyway.

The next time you see a newscast that throws a wrench in your plans for the day, please remember 2 things... the first, that actions you take may affect others in ways you cannot even fathom, and the second, when you see something like this, remember the victims. Remember their families. Be thankful you are not getting that phone call today. Sometimes, your shitty day... is really a blessing.

Friday, August 22, 2008

I've Realized...

Tequila lunches are an EXCELLENT job perk.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Word of the Day - Wordle!

How fun is this?

To create your own, visit and play around, its fun! You enter a url or some text and create a fun mashup of the words used. You can edit text, color, layout, and font as well. What a great way to distract you from getting ANYTHING productive done. I love me some productivity killers.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


My puppy is adorable, but he is not always the brightest bulb....

I've Realized...

Some people just suck, and there is nothing you can do about it.
Their problem, not yours.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Choppers, not the motorcycle kind...

Two huge military helicopters just flew by my window. Wouldn't be so strange if I were in town, but by "my window," I mean the window of my dad's house in the middle of nowhere on top of a mountain...

I wonder if this is because of the DNC coming to Colorado?

Or maybe I finally pissed the wrong people off?

Iono what kind of helicopters they were, but they both looked like this:

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I've Realized...

That somehow I've managed to wrangle some pretty amazing people into my circle of friends. Thank you all! I am a lucky girl.

***This is a new thing I'm trying. A stupid MySpace Survey was my inspiration.

I Think She May Be Planning To Eat Me...

So, I'm staying up at my dad's awesome house up in the mountains. Attached to his house is an apartment that he rents out occasionally. Right now, there is a very sweet couple staying in the apartment while the husband does some work up here. The wife appears to be staying in the apartment during the day.

We got up here yesterday, and I've been telecommuting, so I'm here all day, but not really "here" -like I'm ever really "here". Oh well, lets pretend.

I ran into the wife (who we'll call Sweet Lady from now on, since I already forgot her name because I am an asshole) shortly after I arrived, and we did some hilarious language-barrier-introduction-type thing with each other -you know the kind, where both people smile and nod like they know what the hell the other one is talking about, when really, we're each picking up about a fifth of what the other is saying. Luckily, her English is better than my Spanglish, so there were a few words that got through between the over-pronounced smiles and hand gestures.

Within 15 minutes of our introduction, she was knocking on the door with a frothy beverage in a cocktail glass. It was 11 am. Now, I am not one to be rude and refuse a gesture of friendship, so I accepted the beverage and went back to work. Unfortunately, the "cocktail" was just a smoothie, but it was wonderful, so I'll let it slide. Thanks, SL, for keeping me from drinking before noon!

A few short hours later, she was again knocking, asking if I'd like lunch. The only words I really understood were "cheese, stuff, comida, food, pretty, lunch, yum, and you like?" but she got the message across. Unfortunately, I had just eaten, so I turned down her request while pointing at the telephone because I had a conference call that I had to be on.

Ever the trooper that she is, she was back again before I was out of bed today. By the time I got to the door, she was gone.

I figured by then she'd have given up, but just now, she was back. This time, she brought a plate, shoved it in my face and said "Comida. Lunch. Hope you like!" with a big smile. I'd just eaten, but took the plate anyway, and thanked her. She then looked at my dogs and said "LOVE THE PUPPIES! You eat. Good. Bueno." We again did some huge hand gestures and smiles, and went to our respective corners.

I feel bad, because I've got to work while I'm here, and I'm really not sure if she wants to hang out because she is bored, or if she is trying to fatten me up so she can feed me to her husband for dinner....

Good thing my pain meds don't make me paranoid or anything...


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Word of the Day


A fun word for describing the beating that a dumb ho deserves. As in "I'd just love to HoSmack that stupid bitch."

HoSmack makes me giggle.

Use it how you like, go have fun!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Thursday Funny - The Art of Waxing

This is an old email that has been going around for years, but it makes me laugh so hard that I cry EVERY TIME I read it. I just had to post it.
I have no idea who wrote this originally, so I don't know who to give credit to. If anyone knows, please share!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on.........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax'
kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!

Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.

My head may pop off! What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???


I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax..

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and... OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......