Thursday, March 20, 2008

Serial Killers and Floral Wallpaper, Part 1

Welcome to Mind Candy! It’s taken me a while, but here I am.
First of all, let's discuss two of my favorite things: home furnishings, and the human psyche. Household textiles (wallpaper, sheets, curtains, plates, etc) I believe are the key to one's psyche. All you have to do is look around somebody's home and see what goes on inside their minds. Example: Playboy and pin up girl sheets, versus Better Homes & Gardens and floral wallpaper. Which do you think belongs to a serial killer? You're wrong. It's the floral wallpaper!
I have a theory on this. We have a budding serial killer in our midst here at my office. While he may not have victimized any living, breathing things, he is viciously wreaking havoc on our keyboards. Sometimes, late at night when nobody is around, this person stalks the aisles of the office, preying upon our office equipment. Specifically, he assaults them with thick coatings of lotion. (Obviously the culprit is a male, no woman would disrespect cosmetics in such a manner. Ladies, am I right?)
This went on for months without a single suspect being named, although speculations were made. Wanted posters were hung. People stopped trusting each other.
It was hard to figure out at first, because seriously… who does that? The weird thing was, the only people anybody can remember being around during the time that it had to have happened were the cleaning crew, and this one dude that works nights. But it wasn’t the cleaning crew. And the dude that works nights was this VERY nice, wholesome, innocent, churchy guy. Somebody who would never hurt a fly, much less a keyboard. Or… would he?
Stay tuned...


E said...

I am so with you, floral wallpaper is a sure sign of a nutter!
I can't believe you have a lotion bandit.
That is creepy on so many levels.
Do they bring their own, or use what is at the desk? If someone busted into my desk and squirted my nice, not so cheap lotion all over my keyboard, it'd smell great, but I'd be one pissed off desk jockey!!

Bones said...

Nope, he goes around and uses whatever the person has left out on their desk. Talk about salt in the wound!! WTF? It'd be funny if he had his own personal "weapon" tho, haha. I guess it helps cover his tracks...?

E said...

That is effing rude! SO RUDE! I would be PISSED! Its bad enough to ruin company equipment, but wasting my lotion? Not okay.